My liver just broke up with me...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
