So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
