she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
