Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
