After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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