don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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