i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
