woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
