Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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