Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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