the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
