Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
