You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize