I have demons in me.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
