she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
