Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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