mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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