Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
