k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
