are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
