I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
