I want to make a zoo with you.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
