i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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