i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
