the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I need a burrito and a hug.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
