3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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