im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
