Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize