im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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