Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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