Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
