its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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