if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
