I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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