Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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