y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
