remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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