i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
