wanna go halves on a baby?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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