dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
