Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize