How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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