I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
