Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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