Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
