dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
