You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
be right there i have to get my cape
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
