And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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