you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize