it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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