also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
