I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
