So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
