dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
