Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
