Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
