"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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