Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
