no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize