If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
