I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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