i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ketchup is God's man juice
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize