I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
