i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
