He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
