i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
