if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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