My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
