She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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