The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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