Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
