hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
