Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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