some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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