I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
