I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize