I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
