hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
