Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
