he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
