His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
