I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
