tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
His nipple licking is glorious
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