Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize