the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
